The Ringer

Episode 01 - The Ringer
Original Air Date: September 8, 1989

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It appears to be a beautiful day in the kingdom of Hyrule. The classic Zelda theme music can be heard in the background. Two birds flutter by in the air, as the camera zooms into Link's window. Apparently, Link's room is high atop a white tower with a pinkish-red conic top. Link opens his shutters and emerges from his window looking out. Here, Link has brown hair, different from the latest game. He does have pointed ears, however.

Link: Ahhhhhh!

The camera briefly shows the back of Link's head. It seems as if he just woke up: he is not in his usual attire, but rather pajamas.

Link: Okay, so there's one good reason...

The camera shows Zelda on a balcony which is covered with foliage. She is wearing a white gown and, complementing the environment around her, a ring of ivy around her head. Zelda has blonde hair, typical of all the Zelda games. She plays with the very birds that were seen at the beginning of this episode. Link, being positioned much higher than Zelda, has a good view of Zelda's, well, cleavage, bringing a whole new reason to his previous comment about "one good reason."

Link: (whistles)

The camera is positioned behind Zelda, with a clear shot of Link peering out of his window. From what I see here, Link is not a very subtle fellow. Zelda looks up towards the tower.

Zelda: Ohhhhh! (More of a gasp than anything else, really...)

Because of the distance, Link calls back to Zelda.

Link: Lookin' good, Princess, especially from this angle!

Zelda: Oh! (Once again, a gasp of disgust...)

A fairy appears from inside the castle carrying a seemingly golden robe.

Fairy: I told you! You should have put on a robe!

Zelda hurriedly slips on the robe, and shuffles away back into the castle. The fairy gazes up at Link, and quickly follows suit. Of course, as Zelda leaves, she lets out one last piece of disapproval.

Zelda: Mmmmph!

The camera shows Link again, this time casually leaning against the window. Apparently, he doesn't realize that such an outcome would arise from that behavior.

Link: Ooops! Guess I offended her royal highness.

Leaving the castle, we now see what appears to be Ganon's lair. It looks very bleak. Reminiscent of a cave, it is not at all like what we see in The Ocarina of Time. At least he had a little bit of taste and fashion sense in that game! Alas, here he chooses to live like a bat. Ganon teleports (Beam me up, Scotty!) in front of the camera's view. He stands in front of his throne, atop a flight of stairs. He is wearing a purple leather cap. He wears a robe that is also purple. His ears are pointed, and his teeth are too. He has "tusks" rising from his upper jaw. He must have beady eyes, because I can't make them out in this scene. With a green complexion, this is not a guy you want to bump into at night in a dark alley.

Ganon: Obviously, if I want the Triforce of Wisdom I'm going to have to get it myself!

Ganon teleports down in front of his stair case in a flash of cyan light. He does not stand, but hovers.

Ganon: There is a contest of amateur magicians in Hyrule today.

Ganon raises his hands so that another robe with a hood (kind of like a poncho) falls onto his rather hefty body. The robe is cyan.

Ganon: I shall enter that contest!

This part really confuses me. Some voice comes out of nowhere. Could this be a being even more powerful and evil than Ganon? Is it possible that Ganon is only a henchman, just as Sauron was in "The Lord of the Rings?" I sincerely doubt it. Whatever this voice is still remains a mystery at this point in the story line.

Voice: But you're no amateur. You're a pro.

Ganon: They won't know that!

Ganon creates a chair out of nowhere with poles on the bottom. I've seen such things in China, but they never just floated there and they usually had a hooded top. So far, Ganon doesn't know what style is, as you'll see next.

Ganon: Since my teleportation powers are limited in the other world, I'll have to travel in style.

Ganon then summons four Stalfos. They come streaking out of a blinding light. Here, for the first time, I see the color of Ganon's eyes. They are red, and they completely lack pupils. With some more cyan light, Ganon places some robes on the Stalfos, too.

Ganon: Let's go!

Ganon warps the whole group outside of what looks like a classic dungeon's lair. Remember those from Zelda I? Well, sure enough, there's one in this scene. This one is placed in the woods, amid many a tree.

Ganon: Ahhh Hyrule! A peaceful kingdom and a beautiful day. Well that will all change! Move!

The scene moves to what appears to be outside of the castle's entrance. There is a significant gathering of people bustling about. After all, it's a contest! Unfortunately, it's only amateur stuff. Zelda looks like she's the host of this gathering for she sits up front, and magicians present their talent to her.

Amateur Magician: And this is a spell I use in my garden, your highness. Watch!

The magician makes a small tomato grow out of a cup full of dirt. Applause can be heard from the crowd, and even the princess claps her hands.

Zelda: Beautiful! It's getting bigger!

The tomato continues to grow, and (you guessed it) explodes all over the magician and Zelda.

Amateur Magician: Ehhhhh?

Zelda: Ahhhh!

Amateur Magician: Oooooops...

Sinister laughter can be heard from afar. Obviously, it's Ganon, but seeing as how everyone is a sap in these cartoons, they don't get it.

Zelda: Who...Who dares to laugh at me?

Ganon rides into the area with "style." He looks quite evil, but most people seem a bit undaunted for such a strange looking guy.

Ganon: My name is not important; I merely wish to enter this contest.

Zelda: Are you an amateur magician then?

Ganon: I am.

Ganon makes a bird appear out of his gnarled hands. I strikingly pretty bird considering from whom it came. The bird cheerfully tweets.

Zelda: Fine. Wait your turn.

A bat flies up towards a window in a tower. Now we see inside Link's room. Sparsely decorated, it looks like a prison. From his behavior before, Link deserves to be in one, but that's my opinion. The only thing that brightens the mood is that there is sufficient lighting, giving the scene a more happy feeling. There is a pedestal in the middle harboring what I believe to be the Triforce of Wisdom. The scenes starts out looking like Link has women problems (I wonder why). A fairy is perched on his left shoulder.

Link: You're a girl, Sprite. How could I get Zelda to pay more attention to me?

Sprite: Who cares? She's a snot. You stick with me!

The bat continues to hover in Link's window. Then it starts to fly away. I sort of got the feeling that it was evil.

Link: Sprite, you're only three inches high!

Sprite: What? You don't like short girls?

Back in front of the castle, Zelda is watching another amateur magician do her trick. Zelda is holding something, but from the quality of the video, I don't know what it is. Based on the context, I think it's a lizard. The magician waves her hand, and the lizard disappears in a puff of pink smoke and shows up on the magician's cloak.

Zelda: Oh, how cute!

We see Ganon. The bat flies down onto his shoulder, and whispers a message to him.

Bat: It's guarded by Link.

Ganon: Really? Well let's get him out of there, shall we?

Ganon sees Zelda petting a lizard. He casts out a ray of (yup) cyan light that knocks the lizard from her hand. The lizard begins to grow quite a bit. Actually, a lot. Godzilla should explain it all.

Zelda: Ahhhh! (screams)

Back in Link's room...

Sprite: Hey!

Link: What is that? Wait here, Sprite!

Link jumps from the window, and grabs a rope. He flies down towards the dragon. He lands on the dragon, and of course, does a few backflips up the dragon's hide. He draws his sword. The dragon shoots fire at him, but luckily he has his shield up. Apparently, it doesn't completely protect him...

Link: Whoa! Toasty! Can't get a clear shot!

Zelda runs and temporarily escapes towards the buffet. Based on her earlier actions, I'm surprised she isn't getting something to eat. However, she grabs a metallic bowl and shouts...

Zelda: Link, get ready!

Zelda throws the bowl high into the air. Using one of the sadly missed features in Rhe Ocarina of Time, Link uses his beam attack on the bowl. The beam is reflected, hits the dragon, and the beast shrinks back to its original self.

Link: Ha! Not bad, eh? (Twirling his sword)

Zelda: What are you doing here?

Link: Nothing much, just heroically saving your life. Why?

Zelda: You're supposed to be guarding the Triforce!

Link: Well, excuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! I...

We hear Sprite screaming. The camera heads back to Link's room.

Ganon: Ha! The Triforce of Wisdom is mine at last!

Sprite: No, no you can't!

Ganon: Go away, you pesky insect!

Ganon flicks away Sprite like a fly. She promptly smacks into the wall and falls to the ground, seemingly unconcious.

Ganon: Mine, all mine!

Now a part of the beginning becomes much clearer. A woman's voice comes out of nowhere. It must be the Triforce! It's the only explanation. The voice in Ganon's lair must have been his piece of the Triforce.

Triforce of Wisdom: Evil is the path you choose, but evil-doers always lose.

Ganon: Silence!

Ganon jumps out of the window and onto his chair. Outside of the castle.

Ganon: Move it, you boneheads! Get us out of here! (A bit of a pun, I suppose.)

The Stalfos quickly carry Ganon away.

Zelda: Ganon's got the Triforce of Wisdom!

Link: He's getting away! We'll never catch him now!

Zelda: Yes we will!

Zelda grabs a bean from a nearby table. She speaks to the amateur magician...

Zelda: Quick, your growing spell!

Link, who missed the "humorous" scene before, doesn't know what she's talking about.

Link: Huh?

With a "Jack in the Beanstalk" type thing, the bean sprouts tremendously. As the stalk begins to grow, Zelda takes a rope, and ties it to the ground. Link still looks confused during this whole ordeal. You can see the stalk beginning to tighten a lot.

Zelda: Come on, Link!

Link: My kind of girl! Completely crazy!

Link cuts the already stretched out rope with his sword. The stalk begins to rebound, creating a makeshift catapult.

Link and Zelda: Waaahooo!

Link: Whoooooaaa!

By now, the two are soaring through the air. High above the trees, it becomes obvious that Zelda wasn't thinking very well when she devised the plan.

Zelda: How are we going to get down?

Link crashes through the trees first, and lands on a dirt path. Zelda has not arrived yet, so Link looks toward the sky.

Link: Huh?

Zelda comes crashing down, right into Link's lap. She definitely got lucky this time. Who know what could have happened if she got even more dirty? After all, she is a bit of "a snot."

Zelda: Ooooph!

Link: Taa Daa! Saved your life again! Kiss me!

Zelda: Look out! Ganon!

Ganon approaches along the same path that Link and Zelda landed on! I guess Zelda has a knack for physics and trigonometry because she sure can calculate very quickly. Ganon is rushing down the beaten path, trying to make his grand escape.

Ganon: Faster! Faster! The secret entrance to the Underworld is just ahead!

Link: I'll just slow him down a little...

Link fires his beam attack at one Stalfos. A little bit of a chain reaction, and the whole party stops as Ganon flies off of his chair and into the grass. Needless to say, he is not pleased.

Link: Eat dirt, Ganon!

Ganon: Ahhhh! Get them! NOW! While I call for reinforcements...

The Stalfos proceed toward Link and Zelda.

Link: A measly three Stalfos? Ha! Use this, Princess.

Link hands Zelda his bow. What becomes interesting is that the bow magically appeared in his hands. I've always wondered how he could carry all of that stuff...

Zelda: What?

Zelda looks back towards what appeared to be a dungeon's entrance before. It wasn't just standing there the whole time, but rather it came out of the ground. It turns out that it IS a dungeon's entrance, since it leads toward the Underworld. What appears to be a whole slew of Stalfos emerges...

Zelda: Uhhhh, Link?

Link: Huh? Back to back, Princess, fast!

Link ties his belt around the both of them. I see it as a bit of a hindrance. However, I am quite sure that Link is enjoying this position...

Ganon: Get them!

All of the Stalfos fly at the two. Link uses his beam attack, mainly, while Zelda, of course, uses the bow. There are a lot of crazy things going on in this scene. Apparently, two Stalfos were headed for Link, with staffs. Their staffs get tangled, and Links uses his sword and flings them up into the air, shooting them before they land. One Stalfos makes it at Zelda, and she is holding her ground, but making no progress. Link realizes this, and bends over, throwing the Stalfos towards Ganon. The unlucky Stalfos lands at Ganon's feet.

Ganon: No, you imbecile! Get them like this!

Ganon continues to laugh maniacally while he shows the Stalfos some moves. They aren't anything special, just the old one-two. If you ask me, Ganon should quit standing there and just do it himself, if he's the expert. Zelda at this point, has three Stalfos all right next to her. She's stuck underneath their staffs.

Zelda: Link, they've got me!

Ganon finds this as a prime opportunity to do some damage. He chucks a bomb at Link and Zelda. Unfortunately for him, Link leans over, placing the three Stalfos in the way of the projectile. They all blow up.

Zelda: Thanks, Ganon!

In a remarkable feat of skill, Zelda pulls back on her bowstring while hanging upside-down. She fires an arrow at Ganon, hitting him in the arm. Ganon promptly drops the Triforce of Wisdom.

Ganon: Owww! Ahhhh! Owwweee! (And so on and so forth.)

Ganon puts out the fire on his cloak, and addresses a Stalfos.

Ganon: Oooooh! Get them! Get them, blast you!

This actually turns out to be another pun, in which case the Stalfos pulls a bomb from behind his back and hurls it at Link and Zelda.

Zelda: Link, a bomb! And I'm out of ammo!

Link bounces the bomb off of his sword, and it goes flying into the air. Link then uses his beam attack to finish off the last Stalfos.

Link: Got you, Stalfos!

Ganon picks up the Triforce of Wisdom from the ground.

Ganon: Oh, but I have the Triforce! You have lost! Hyrule is mine!

Ganon runs into the dungeon entrance.

Link: Not yet, Ganon!

The bomb begins to fall back to the ground. As it reaches Link, he hits it with his sword again, right into the dungeon entrance where Ganon is headed. Link would make a mighty fine baseball player.

Ganon: Ahhhhh!

The entrance to the Underworld explodes in a bunch of smoke. The Triforce of Wisdom flies out and lands right next to Link and Zelda.

Link: Taa Daa! The Triforce! Saved the kingdom again, Princess! Not bad, eh?

Zelda: You got lucky. Now get this belt off!

Link: No!

Zelda: What do you want?

Link: A kiss! Come on...

Zelda: No!

Link: Then we stay like this!

Zelda: Ohhh, all right. I suppose you do deserve some reward. Just don't try to make a habit of it!

Link crosses his fingers behind his back.

Link: Oh I won't. I promise!

Link and Zelda are just about to kiss, when Sprite appears right between them. Probably for the better, too. There IS speculation that Link and Zelda are siblings...

Sprite: Hey! Knock it off you two!

Link: Sprite!

Sprite: Oh I see! The princess! I'll take care of that!

Sprite quickly breaks the belt, and Link and Zelda both fall flat on their behinds.

Link: Darn it, Sprite! I was THAT close!

Zelda: (giggles)

The camera zooms in on Sprite. She shrugs with a smile. And now we get to see Ganon's lair once again as he teleports into it. How he escaped, we don't know.

Ganon: I can't wait until I get out! Zelda and Link, you'll pay for this!!!